Too often, graphs about the 1929 stock market crash only proves to be a mere distraction.

Instinct is a funny thing, funnier when incorrect. This was the case for Becca Goldstein. Ever since she was a pre-teen, after reading countless romance comics and remedial gothic novels, she nurtured a credo that love can only be true if it occurs at first sight. Everything else was just meaningless garbage.

Now that she was 57 years old and perennially single, she wondered for the second or maybe third time if she had made a huge mistake. The idealization of love is just the romantic version of high expectations, boring vacations. A mopey expression consumed her face as she turned her inner thoughts into theorems. If only loneliness could be personified, she would have a companion. But as we all know, this is impossible. When loneliness becomes this omnipresent, it is an ever-growing pothole in a parking lot of a strip mall slowly going out of business. Nothing good can come out of it.

She pounded her fist against the wall to reaffirm that it was time to change or die alone. It also reminded her that pain still works. Out of sheer desperation, she tried one of those apps, or applications the kids were using. The results were not good. She ended up destroying the world wide web for 22 hours, which only goes to prove that in this computer age, one cannot set their relationship status to female.