Bathe Like No One’s Watching

saul steinberg

Unbeknownst to Olive, she became the laughing stock of the New York jet set. Saul Steinberg 1949©

Olive Parisinthespringtime wanted a gimlet. Now! Instead, she schemed. She knew world domination was within her grasp. How could it not be? I mean, whatever she wished, she attained. It did not hurt that she came from a family of obnoxious wealth. She had no concept that she was privileged! Believe it or not, this was her greatest trait.


It was surprising that she was so calm, considering her gimlet-less predicament. Typically, this would instigate an episode of caterwauling, followed by screaming at the help, and ultimately a stream of racial slurs. It was the reason her father only hired white people.

Olivia sighed, and it was heard throughout the mansion. All the maids, butlers and groundskeepers were on their toes ready to do what was necessary. Olivia dwelled on what it really meant to be a successful control freak. Was it even worth it? It seems the 21st century has redefined the meaning of control. It is now a lost term like optimism, which is another synonym for futile.

Maybe it was the bath talking, or maybe she was actually growing up. She officially denounced her desire for control. It would be easy to assume the change was due to her eerie transformation. Then again, it could have been the Fentanyl® wearing off.

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