Lonely Is As Lonely Does


Second hand loneliness will touch one of every three lives. The only way to avoid it is to say, “Not it!” and mean it.

Mrs. Estelle Bigbottom was distraught. It was clearly empty nest syndrome, yet that did not stop her from thinking she was dying from super leukemia. Her time of solitude turned her into a raving hypochondriac, as well as a junkie for the Home Shopping Network®.

First, her eldest and only son, Mixalot Bigbottom moved out to pursue a college degree, which led to his successful career as an international superstar pediatrician, Dr. Mixalot Bigbottom. Since they were so sheltered and white, they failed to see any humor from this.

Mr. Quentin Bigbottom, her loutish husband went out to get a pack of smokes, never to return. That was eight years ago.

The only companionship afforded to her was the family dog, an old decrepit cross-eyed poodle named Jacques, even though it was female.

Mrs. Bigbottom picked up the frail dog, bones creaked, and held it up to her face. She said, “At least I have you to love me. You will never leave me, will you?”

Jacques decided to speak for the first and only time, “Look lady, I don’t think you can handle the truth, so I’m going to say, no.”

There was a long silence before the phone rang. It was a wrong number.

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