Where Everybody Knows Your Name


“Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got. Taking a break from all your worries is why we all smoke pot.”

The good old neighborhood sports bar on the corner erupted as the home team scored a touchdown. Everyone was there. Angst Finkelstein and his girlfriend, Amanda or Linda, it definitely ended in ‘da’, it could have been Miranda, Sleepy Joe Sister, Norm Elsie, and too many more to mention.

The bar erupted again, with twice the ferocity when an unassuming man with a suspicious army-green duffel bag over his shoulder walked in. He was immediately surrounded by well-wishers, who apparently loved to high five.

“He’s popular.” said Bob Viuss. He slammed the rest of his blue shot down and exhaled loudly.

“Oh yeah, that’s Loosey Goosey,” responded Jimmy Frank in a very even matter-of-fact tone.

“Nice name.” Bob slugged the remainder of the green beer from a stein with lipstick marks on it.

“Gimme two bucks!” Jimmy stood up as if he just sat on a tack.

Bob reached into his pocket and produced a crumpled five-dollar bill. With drunken precision, he unwadded it, and in the process, it ripped. Satisfied, he handed it to Jimmy, who was already walking towards Loosey Goosey.

Bob watched his pal, an old college roommate, navigate through the crowd, he exchanged a fist bump followed by a burst and sizzle. The whole while, Loosey had his mouth wide open like he couldn’t stop laughing. Jimmy gave Loosey the cash, and an exchange occurred.

Jimmy returned with a grin holding up three non-menthol filtered cigarettes.

“Oh, you meant loosey as in loose cigarettes and not Lucy like “I Love Lucy. Duh.”

Yet, the true story is the rat in the kitchen, slowly crawling over some raw meat. It had just eaten the contents of a diaper in the alley and was currently “window shopping”.

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