The Greatest Underdogs


0-10, The Gophers were always the underdog team.

“Look, wag nuts, I want to make one thing clear. When they call us underdogs, I am fully aware that some of you think it’s a good thing. It’s not! It’s just the nice way of saying we’re nothing but losers.”

Coach Rudnick hocked up a healthy hairy loogie and spit hard, before downing a bottle of water. He looked at the empty bottle and threw it at the football players.

“I want you, all of you, to stand during the National Anthem. If we’re not going to win, we can at least be good Americans. I don’t give a shit about what you’re protesting. First and foremost, you are good Americans.

The coach lit up a cigarette and pulled his pants up.

“If you can’t… Alright, it’s like this. If you have to take a knee, you can’t play. It’s that simple.”

Rudnick looked around the room and barked, “Let’s go out there and win a fucking game!”

As the game was about to start, Coach Rudnick told the officials that their team had to forfeit due to lack of players.


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