The Birds And Obese


Butterflies are fortunate in being beautiful, because aside from that, they are useless ignoramuses. A species that serves absolutely no purpose. They are the equivalent to hardened snot on a door handle. Interesting at first, then disturbing.

He could not bear to open his eyes while he ate his lunch. Technically, this was his post-breakfast, appetizer to lunch. With his eyes closed, he took a huge bite from a bacon cheeseburger. All his senses were heightened. The smell of charred beef, so blissfully right. The sound of meat surrendering to his gnashing teeth. The taste, oh dear Lord, the sweet sweet taste. The sensual slow drip of the grease past his wrist, and down his arm, inching towards his elbow. If he had concentrated a little more with his sense of touch, he would have felt the constricting of his arteries near his heart.

If James Cardowski’s eyes were open, he’d see all the yellow post-it notes® surrounding him, at least a hundred of them. All over his desk area. He looked like he was in the middle of a field of butterflies. Written on each one in a purposeful sloppy scrawl, “Think Thin”. One read, “Writers write, jag offs jag off”.

It was apparent that he should heed the repetitive advice. He weighed a generous 379 pounds, standing at 5’7”. He heaved, his fat rippled with every unhealthy wheeze he took. It was very clear that he was ailing and tipping more towards death than life. [SPOILER ALERT: He is so dead by the end of this story.]

The truth was: he’d rather expire now at the age of 27 than have to settle for the atrocious bird feed his dietician prescribed. What did it matter? He had nothing to lose. No family. No friends. Just all the crap in this efficiency studio. A sadder truth, he had never known true love. Once, he paid for something that resembled love, but after the hour was up, it shriveled up into a memory of unadulterated regret. This was not unlike the beef taco he ate just before dinner.

He shifted in his seat, everything creaked, especially his body. He caught a good whiff of himself, mostly ass. It was far from a nice scent. Even he was repulsed, so much so, he vomited in his mouth. He swallowed and was pleasantly surprised that it retained the taste of hamburger.

Two weeks later, his neighbors complained about something that was more than malodorous. Doors were broken down and the fire department discovered a fairly decomposing James.


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