Blue Or White Dress


Yanny or laurel?

Truth was, back in the day, you didn’t need a gun to tell someone to shut the fuck up. We used words and a serious amount of attitude, and only if we had to, we resorted to a rock with a knife duct-taped to it. You see, guns were exclusively used by cowboys, gangsters, police, hunters, army folk and eager carpenters. Not like today. Everyone uses guns like haphazard air quotes, with reckless abandon. Owning a firearm is the new passive suicide, killing yourself in the laziest way possible, replacing the thrill of texting while driving on the highway.

Things were simpler then, you were either a Nazi or you weren’t. It was yellow mustard or nothing. You were either for rivers or against them. By the by, I think rivers are grossly over-rated. Aside from the functional features of upstream, and especially downstream, rivers are merely chintzier thinner lakes.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez recently said, “United we stand, divided we fall.” Not only is she the fresh face of the Democratic Party, she is right. We are in a state of falling, as the internet divides us. For those who are unsure, the internet is the place where lies can be spread quicker than hep-c infected liverwurst. It is frightening how we have become stupid sheep in a world of wolves systematically divvying us up for easy slaughter.

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