Forward Nostalgia

1966cbs

One day, we will have to over explain to the next generation that cartoons aired on Saturday mornings only. In return, they will look at you with apparent pity in their eyes, thinking we have networks dedicated to cartoons, you pathetic old person.

When I was a kid, back in the 1970’s, Saturday morning meant two things, cartoons and hungover mom and dad barely lumbering about, their centers of gravity greatly affected, dragging their feet on the ground as if they were sacks of potatoes, it sure smelled like it, doing everything they could to get us out of their hair.

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Blue Or White Dress

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Yanny or laurel?

Truth was, back in the day, you didn’t need a gun to tell someone to shut the fuck up. We used words and a serious amount of attitude, and only if we had to, we resorted to a rock with a knife duct-taped to it. You see, guns were exclusively used by cowboys, gangsters, police, hunters, army folk and eager carpenters. Not like today. Everyone uses guns like haphazard air quotes, with reckless abandon. Owning a firearm is the new passive suicide, killing yourself in the laziest way possible, replacing the thrill of texting while driving on the highway.

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Mall’s Well That Ends Well

deteriorating mall

The mall died for your sins of frugality. 

Blaine Howell stood in front of what once was The As Seen On Television™ store; his eyes wide with a mixture of disbelief and disappointment. He whispered gruffly, “God damn you e-commerce. You’re as heartless as a hurricane. You don’t care what you destroy. Do you? Do you?!”

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Donald The Menace

Donald the Menace.jpgMany of us have noticed the uncanny similarity between current president of the United States, Dumpy Donald Trump and nearly extinct comic strip character, Dennis The Menace. It’s that ridiculous hair and incomprehensible impishness that could only come from a five-and-a-half-year old boy; the nearest iota of logic stemming from pitiful immaturity. So with that, I present the following mash up.

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