“I swear to Jesus God, it was absolutely disgusting, emphasis on absolutely. If I had any food in my stomach, I would have thrown it all up.” Janice Troutman was face-timing™ on a very large communication device with blue tooth ear bud implants, which by the by, were totally worth it. No more wiping of the ear goo and losing them all the time. She sat on a couch that should have been replaced eight months ago.
“I know, it’s only day two of this crazy new yo-yo diet and I’ve already lost seven to sixteen pounds. I have to admit, it’s amazing.”
Janice looked at herself in the mirror and frowned. “That’s why they call them yo-yo diets. You try out some outrageous trick outside of the plan like the elevator or the creeper and then you get all tangled up, or worse, you break.”
“It’s all good, I mean, you know, sometimes I just over think things and take it too personally, and hell, why wouldn’t I? That’s all we are wired to do, just stay inside our heads trying to figure out how others perceive you. But it’s all really, who gives a mental fuck? The bottom line, you just have to do you, right? As long as you don’t knowingly harm someone else, you’re good.”
Janice stood up and grimaced as she stretched. “Look at me, just yammering away like I’m the only miss thing in the universe. How are you guys doing?”
There was an absolute silence on the other end of the phone, which prompted Janice to dart to the bedroom and open the door, revealing eight, maybe nine cats sitting around a similar communication device with Janice’s relieved face broadcasting on it.