She Was His Beard


A beard is a person who pretends to have a romantic or sexual relationship with someone else in order to conceal the other’s true sexual orientation.

For the first time ever, Amber Evans was perfectly comfortable with her new job. It was simple and it paid well. All she had to do was behave as the girlfriend to local celebrity, Jack Ryde, of the number one Nielsen rated Go-Team™ of Chicago’s Action News™ in the morning.

It is with great regret that she was absolutely disgusted by her name. She just didn’t look like an Amber. It was as inevitable as gravity, with each passing day; she was becoming more and more a full-on Trish.

It was only two years ago, that Amber completed the sex reassignment surgery. Instead of going with a name she identified with, she chose a name that she could evolve into. It kinda sorta made sense at the time. Her original name was Adam and she had a favorite Aunt Amber, who may have been a stripper. In truth, she responded poorly to the sedatives and insisted on the name change before going under. Let this be a lesson to you, never be anesthetized when you are surrounded by copyright lawyers.

Jack leaned back in the limousine, the leather squeaked. He tossed his head back downing the gin, almost choking on an ice cube. He was testy. It was dawning on him that he had become “that guy”.

What the hell is wrong with being a straight man? Why does P.R. find it necessary to put a beard on me? Are they saying that I need a beard? Am I that ugly? I oppose this manipulation with all my soul. Yet, I continue this charade. But I like the sound of Local Emmy winner Jack Ryde of Go Team™ of Chicago’s Action News™. In fact, I love it!

Jack poured himself another drink, sitting up. He put his arm around Amber.

She instinctively pulled away. “It costs more for kissing.”

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