Reviewing: Welcome To Marwen

Welcome To Marwen

Just when you thought it was safe to go to the theaters.

SPOILER ALERT: Avoid this movie at all costs. I would not be surprised if its toxic contents makes cancer spread through your body quicker. Seriously, you’re better off spending the hour and 56 minutes doing anything else, like going to the dentist.

Speaking of dentists, Welcome To Marwen, starring Steve Carell and directed by Robert Zemeckis is despicable. It is the promise of visiting a dentist who is not afraid to use anesthesia to make sure you don’t experience pain. As you enter a waiting room filled with displays of state of the art dental equipment, you feel a sense of relief. A big screen TV cements your comfort by showing examples of the gentle treatment you can expect from the dentist of the future. You are amazed at the laser technology and precision tools. You begin to believe that you were worrying about nothing.

At last, you are sitting in the chair. You are calm until the dentist walks in, covered with splatters of fresh blood. He is holding a rubber mallet and a chisel.

You ask, “But, but what about all the high-tech tools?”

He takes a high tech tool from the tray and demonstrates on a model set of teeth. He wedges the Micrometer 2019™ between two of the bottom teeth and proceeds to bash it with the mallet. He follows this by taking the bigger Grand Micrometer 2018™, and tapping it gingerly against the mallet. He makes a face that indicates, tada!

In a nutshell, this is what defines Welcome To Marwen, a total waste of technology, talent and money; expecting some sort of gratitude for insulting our intelligence.

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