Lie Like No One’s Watching

Red Lobster

Red Lobster®, the Pauly Shore of fine dining, is surprisingly the fifth most popular place to make a wedding proposal.

Stella Odawella’s squinted her eyes with great scrutiny, which made her sturdy mustache wiggle as she asked him again, “Did you sleep with her?”

Barry DeHatchett snorted, and looked around the Red Lobster®. He was pleasantly shocked to see that, indeed, he had slept with her, as well as every woman in here. He casually took a sip of water as he ran through a list of lies. His shaking hands betrayed him.

Usually, lying came easily to him, it was his jam, if he wasn’t lying, he was at least trying, but in this moment, he was feeling queasy with guilt. He panicked and followed his gut instinct. He clutched his chest while making an awkward facial expression. It was supposed to be his patented stroke-face™, instead it was his oh-my-God-I-wish-I-hadn’t-smelled-that-face. For the first time ever in his life of successful conniving and jiving, he had to abort.

Stella was utterly confused, but fascinated by what could possibly happen next.

Barry was so desperate, he was thinking outside the dreaded box. He blurted, “Yes. Yes I did.”

Walls melted. So this is what truth feels like. He hated himself for denying the incredible ecstasy. His ears were filled with the beautiful voices of singing angels. He had finally been set free.

Stella coolly responded, “I thought as much,” before shooting him in the head.

MORAL: Liars, choose your truth wisely.

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