An alligator came to a fork in the road. A decision had to be made. He tried to recall the Robert Frost poem for advice, to no avail. [FACT CHECK: The poem was “Mending Wall” 1914.] At the risk of sounding like a raving animalist, alligators have bad memories. They borderline on moronic and blockheaded. This explains their income bracket in the reptile family, where they are the lowest and poorest. This can only mean that alligators are lazy. This is neither here nor there. It is merely a rant to show my contempt for alligators. [FACT CHECK: I am an animalist.]

The alligator looked to the right and then to the left, its jowls dragging on the ground. For some magical reason, the astral image of a severed camel’s head appeared in a thought balloon you would find in a comic book. The eerie camel said with a thick Southern accent, “Righty tighty, lefty loosey.” As quickly as the camel appeared, it disappeared. There may have been a poof sound, probably, as a rule, mirages usually conclude with a poof.

Alligators are creatures of habit and prefer it loosey, thus he proceeded right. Remember, alligators have bad memories. As the alligator sidled its way on the road for hours, beyond the point of return, he realized that he had made a grave mistake. Not wanting to blame himself, he cursed that damn camel head, as it drowned in quicksand. As he expired, he had an epiphany. “It is better to have loved than to die like this.”

The camel reappeared and mocked the alligator. The camel said, “You and what army?”

MORAL: If you find yourself wrong most of the time, make a decision and do the opposite.

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