Around Town With Reginald The Cat®


Around Town-Reginald.jpg

“Today they go for your guns, tomorrow, your karate instructors.”             Illustration by ©1992 Jay Lynch

Hola, furless ones, but not you, DANNY DEVITO, for you are both the opposite of furless and one. To be clear, I’m saying you’re pretty heavy for your height. It’s been a spell since we last spoke. It’s good to see you’re still fucking idiots. Before you accuse me of being a humanist pig, you need to seriously look at your pathetic flabby hypocrite ass in the mirror. Really. One would think that a species that is capable of opening cans of food, or tossing a milk carton plastic ring, or cleaning hardened-clumped up excrement would achieve greater things. For God’s sake, you have thumbs. You are under achieving.

Disclaimer: The viewpoints expressed by the author do not necessarily reflect the opinions, viewpoints and official policies of After all, it’s a God damn cat drawing.

Allow me to restart. My deepest condolences to those affected by the tragic shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. Permission to speak freely? Your society, America in particular, is pathetic, useless, mentally challenged, yarn chasing, moronic, and self-centered. And that’s coming from me, a damn cat!

It is high time to figure out your relationship with guns, people. I know, I’ve heard it a million times, guns don’t kill people, people kill people. I’ve also heard, it is what it is and that’s how we do. These are just pat answers to questions no one will ever ask. It is like if I meowed louder to indicate my hunger. Fuck you. Oh, before I forget, your current president of the United States, DONALD TRUMP smells like fear.

It is obvious that man does not deserve firearms. The responsibility necessary to maintain reasonable behavior is beyond your comprehension. In plain speak, your species should never operate heavy machinery. Your deficiency in brain function, aside from your witless thick headed pride, can never handle a weapon that kills without ever using it on each other. It only seems natural. If you’re holding a gun, you’re probably thinking about shooting someone in the same way a thirsty person holds a can of soda they shouldn’t drink. Ultimately, it’s how you answer the following question: What is stopping you?

You would think that after Columbine, there would have been changes to your “gun laws”, especially if it means saving the lives of your children, but no. Apparently, Virginia Tech and Sandy Hook are mere commas in this poorly constructed run-on sentence of school shootings. For the sake of your future, reduce gun violence.

I see how it works. Some inventors create ‘bump stocks’ for guns, and go on to make fortunes. Others create electric self-cleaning kitty litter boxes. I’ll tell you what. As good as it sounds on paper, all machinery breaks. Come on, they’re made by you incompetent fuck-nots. There is nothing worse than this contraption in disrepair. I know this first hand. These things were invented for the laziest cat owners, so how long does it take to do anything about it, except complain about it? One near kidney failure and emergency room visit later; three weeks. If not for the concern of my owner’s neighbors and their olfactory systems, I might not be here to rant on you.

This concept of arming the teachers with guns is ridiculous. It’s like giving veterinarians hypodermic needles. See what I did there you unthinking imbecile? It’s hopeless. The NRA is a well-oiled corporate machine in the overly competent hands of capitalists, WAYNE LAPIERRE and LANA DOUCHE. It must have been difficult growing up with that name, WAYNE. Wake the fuck up! This is about putting more guns on the streets. It’s straight up commerce. Mo’ money, mo’ guns, mo’ problems. Yo, dodos, it’s finally time to put your foot down and say, “No way NRA, you can’t have all the money.”


1 thought on “Around Town With Reginald The Cat®

  1. Pingback: Restart | Wired With Words

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