Cats Are From Venus, Presidents Are From Uranus


“Appreciate me better.”

I cannot think of a better way to celebrate National Cat Appreciation Month than to share the reasons why my cat is better than the current president of the United States, Donald Trump.

Before I proceed, my cat’s name is Puppy. She is almost three years old. Like her name implies, she can sit on command, and she fetches and returns plastic rings from milk gallons. Beyond that she is useless.

Speaking of useless, just to make sure we’re on the same page. Donald Trump is the boorish son of a Klansman. He is the classic cartoon bully obviously overcompensating for his cowardice. He is not above throwing anyone under the bus to save his fearful sniveling self. Sad.

  • Puppy is not a petty puffy white lying buffoon.
  • Puppy listens and has a better command of the English language.
  • Puppy files and proudly shows her tax returns when asked.
  • Puppy doesn’t pay Russian hookers to pee on her… yet. The only reason I qualify this is because my cat can get weird when she cleans herself, and she has fallen into a mysterious large sum of money.
  • Puppy has empathy.
  • Puppy doesn’t shit where she eats… yet. I have heard that when cats age; they lose “control”.
  • Puppy doesn’t look like an idiot baby when she drinks water. If my cat drank anything like that, I would consider disowning her. I don’t know what it is, but when I see that president drink water, as well as that senator Rubio, the pit of my stomach turns. I have a difficult time with that sort of extreme pathos.
  • Puppy does not poorly hide bald spots.
  • Puppy does not assume respect because of who she is.
  • Puppy is not a racist… yet.
  • Puppy does not work for the Russians… yet.


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