Around Town With Reginald The Cat®

Around Town-Reginald

“Humans are a lot like three-dollar bills, funny, awkward, and ultimately worthless.”     Illustration ©1992 Jay Lynch

What? The? Fuck? Seriously. What the fuck is up with you people? All you people? By the way, yo humans, been a while, but what is wrong? As soon as I figure out how low your race truly is, you lower the bar, and then you go ahead and lower it some more. Stop it. Even the lowliest life form, the dog, think your breed is stupid. Sad. And to all you asshole idiots who wonder how the current president of the United States, Donald Trump, says the outrageous things he says; realize this. You are the problem. You are the damn oxygen to his fire: supporters and opponents alike on both sides, on all sides. Frankly, I am sick of Trump’s omnipresence, and I refuse to be that guy who speaks the obvious, like, look at how brightly the flames spread, or it is too fucking hot in here. None of it helps. By the way, you do not yet realize how much you will miss Trump after he’s gone. Believe me, it will be like the first day of meth withdrawal.

Disclaimer: The viewpoints expressed by the author do not necessarily reflect the opinions, viewpoints and official policies of After all, it’s a God damn cat drawing.

Why are you two legged monstrosities using owls as advertising icons on television? I kinda sorta get the gecko lizard. Actually, I don’t, but truth is, I don’t hate it. Owls are repugnant, worthless creatures! Take it from me, a true member of the animal kingdom, they are the vermin of the forest. At the risk of sounding owlist, they are despicable leeches. More important, they are not all that. At this rate, you might as well have Rudy Giuliani teach you how not to appear old and doddering. While you’re at it, promote The Beatles with a heavy handed endorsement from ex-living humans, Charles Manson or Richard M. Nixon. It is surreally incorrect.

Advertising firms would be better off using that Trivago® spokesperson for every single ad instead of the overrated owl. By the way, what is up with that asshole? Is he old? Is he young? What is going on with all that jumping and gray hair? All I know is this: he is white and most likely privileged. Take it from me, a being of obvious higher intellect, fuck that guy.

Owls have this reputation for representing wisdom because of its association with Athena, a fictional goddess of wisdom created by the ancient Greeks. Do you know what else the ancient Greeks invented? Dysentery and pink eye! Let it be clear, owls are uneducated scum with the brain capacity of half a flea, which is to say they are barely smarter than Sarah Palin. For those of you who are not familiar with Palin, she was an idiot back in the day, still is.

Instead of being a hater without any suggestions on how to improve a problem, I submit the following. Remove all owls from television. If anything ever needed to be extinct, it is the dirty disgusting owl. The only worthwhile owl is that one cartoon-a, the one with singing Owl Jolson, the one that croon-a’s about the moon-a in a-June-a. Since we all know that the bleeding-heart liberals will never allow this eradication, humankind must institute a mandatory program where people are re-educated, all of them, and learn the true hierarchy of the intelligence of animals. A lot like your precious food pyramid. Once you do this, I will be waiting for phone calls from all the advertisers. Me and all of the unemployed dolphins. Good day for now.


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