“There’s a reason they call it the dark side. Think about it. They claim they’re like us, but in actuality, how could they be? Their pigment is so much darker. It’s like they bathe in their own shithole land. Sick! It’s sick!” The words of a lazy out of touch white power wielding fatso.

Thank you. Thank you. Good evening, ladies and germs. See what I did there? Double negative. Today, we honor the brave Americans who have fallen on that tragic day, 9/11, seventeen years ago. By the way, I’d like to remind all of you, not on my watch. Not on my watch. Not many people know this, but we remember that day fondly because it’s when America came together. Even the fake media got that right. They pretty much had to. But oh, that nasty fake media, don’t get me started. And what about that sleepy Chuck Todd? He’s so sleepy-eyed, he needs some strong coffee or something, am I right?

Frankly, take a look at 9/11. What was that all about? If the FBI had responded to 9/11 with just half the energy they spend on this crooked WITCH HUNT against me, it would never have happened. Never. All of these angry democrats coming after me for NOTHING. I haven’t done anything. How many times do I have to say it? NO COLLUSION. NO COLLUSION.

Crooked Hilary, I’ll tell you what, I want the DOJ to look into her involvement with 9/11 and especially all those e-mails. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some reciprocal relationship. I so love that word, reciprocal, so defining and good. Frankly, I want to know what she was doing on 9/11. Lock her up.

On 9/11, I was out there, at ground zero, helping New York’s finest digging and looking for bodies. I was on the front lines, not kneeling during the National Anthem like these football players who are just begging to be fired. I was making America great again before I even made it a real thing. Don’t forget, Merry Christmas.

The failing NY Times. They should be kissing me for helping them keep their job. Without me there would be no news to report, which makes you wonder what they were failing to print before my presidency.

To think, it’s called 9/11 because it happened on September eleventh. Just like the phone number or that TV show. What are the odds? I mean if it happened one day earlier, it could have been called 9/10. Not as catchy. Maybe it would have been more appropriate if it happened on July 11. That way it would be 7/11 like the convenient stores run by all those foreigners. When my wall goes up, that will change. Believe me, it will.

Have you ever wondered about how Obama looks like Osama and Biden kind of looks like bin Laden? Is that supposed to be some kind of coincidence too? Something is not right.

I’ll be chatting with Hannity about this later, hopefully on his show, so stay tuned.