Time Is An Asshole


A stitch in time, time flies, time is like a river, time and time again, time heals, fuck you time, fuck you, you lousy fuck!

Let me make myself perfectly clear, time is not a racist and does not give two shits about you, whether you’re black, white, yellow, brown, red, or any combination thereof. Time will beat the living shit out of you and you can’t do anything about it. It just marches forward in calculated goose steps, never looking back. It will always disregard the courtesy of leave no man behind. If time shows prejudice to anyone, it is the elderly.

Time has its own agenda, never willing to compromise. It is the key component to all the bad things: the aging process, making you late, mold, burning the cookies. Time is constantly perfecting the classic dick move.

Make no mistake about it. Time is never stagnant. That’s all you, revealing mortal frailty like you have so much of it, and you lag, allowing yourself to grow grossly obese on some imaginary equator line. Do not get me started on time zones and daylight saving time.

Sure, we have our anti-time devices. There are facial tucks, old calendars, cameras, some grandparents, and student loans. To defeat time is fiction, ain’t gonna happen in our lifetime. In case you didn’t know, time can cheat.

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