New wave of superheroes include Talisman. Beware his magic, evildoers.

Funny story, true. I’m taking out the trash last Thursday night, you know, around eight, right between Little Sheldon® and Moms®, and I see, get this, I see The Oaf® and Talisman® getting all up into it. You know, those two newbie superheroes wearing all that spandex, gold and glitter. Right over there, in front of that driveway. And, they’re cussing up a storm. I swear, it was all fuck this and fuck that shit and you ain’t shit without me and your mother’s a fucking idiot and you and what fucking shit-ass army.

Things were escalating, and Talisman® out of nowhere, seven-year-bitch slaps The Oaf® right across the fucking face. Whap! Hand to Bible to fucking God, the earth shook like the hungriest motherfucker. Man, The Oaf® was so pissed, steam literally and figuratively came out of his nose and ears. He beat his chest and let out his battle cry, “Oaf with your head, jagoff!”™

And then, all this dust kicks up, right over there, and I can’t see jack. But when it clears up, The Oaf® is beating himself with his fists of fury, or whatever the fuck he calls it. He’s doing some serious damage to himself, concussing himself, glazed eyes starting to cross, while Talisman® stands beside him saying some shit like, equal force mass, maybe destruction, you know, science and what not.

This goes on for about two minutes, and after awhile, the humor of self-beating went away, replaced by horrifying. The hard percussive thuds to the head turned mushy and downright nauseating. Thankfully, the cops show up and break up the whole deal.

And this is when things got super weird. The Oaf® and Talisman® hugged it out. By hugged it out, I mean they started making out and doing it right there next to my fucking mailbox. I swear, these damn superheroes are just like that fucking current president of the United States, Donald Trump, they all don’t give a shit.

Talisman