“Oh my sweet Jesus. This stench is unbearable… yet oddly familiar.”
Jed, a life-long criminal, was square-jawed, inching forward slowly, as Luigi, his newbie henchman, nodded continuously. If it weren’t so dark, Jed could observe Luigi’s uncomfortable posture. He was actually scared for his life, and the bobbing of his head was just an extension of his quivering body. Luigi hated dark, small, cramped places. If he had a larger vocabulary, he might have been able to admit he was claustrophobic.
It was a dark night. Ominous clouds blocked the tiny sliver of a moon. It didn’t help that Jed and Luigi were in an abandoned trailer with all the windows painted black. Acting on a tip from The Man, they were scavenging for anything valuable, hopefully drugs.
Jed continued. “You know how when you scratch your balls? Right in that crease where your scrotum rests on your leg? And then you smell your fingers? That’s what it smells like.”
At this prompting, Luigi quietly slinked away. He could no longer contain his irrational fear as pure panic set in. His stealth went unnoticed by Jed.
“It’s dick cheese. That’s what it is. I knew it. Why? Why would it smell like frumunda in here?”
Had there been the slightest hint of light, he would have seen that he was nearly face to crotch with the Amazing Spider-Man, who was hanging upside down from the ceiling. His enhanced spider sense tingled as Jed took a step forward. To avoid a face plant to the family jewels, Spider-Man shined a bright red light from his belt on Jed.
This freaked Jed the fuck out, as well as blinding him. He almost fainted. Assessing the situation, he realized it was fight or flight. Instead, he received a healthy concussing wallop to the face from the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
“He who smelt it; dealt it.” Spider-man sighed and thought out loud in a mumble, “Mental note: remember to wisecrack before knocking out your opponent.”