Godzilla shows off by playing the dreaded and difficult barred B flat seventh chord.

A touring American tenor arrived in a small Japanese village. He claimed to be the greatest singer in the entire world. His mission was simple: to grace the villagers with his beautiful voice, in return for a meal fit for a king. Before proceeding further, it is imperative to point out that Japan does not accept such boastful words without merit, it needs to be earned, backed up. In short, prove it or lose it. With this, a competition was decreed to prove once and for all, who had the best singing voice.

Thousands of people lined up within an hour, and the line grew by the minute. Every walk of life was represented from the lowly chirping cricket to the warbling meadowlark to the inept Hong Kong-born William Hung to the seasoned mezzo soprano robot, HI-CX 492.

The self-proclaimed greatest singer began with a rendition of “Kimi Ga Yo”, the national anthem of Japan. After hearing the gorgeous moving rendition, it was clear, he might have been the best. There was not a dry eye in attendance. His voice was drama and irony perfectly blended. The competitors thinned out humbled by this incredible performance. Approximately 50 singers remained with the surprising addition of Godzilla.

It turns out that Godzilla wanted to see if years of self taught singing would finally be recognized. Everyone agreed that it would sing next, after all, it was a symbol of all things Japanese.

Godzilla opened its gigantic scaly mouth to sing. Instead of musical notes, it spewed radioactive flames incinerating the audience and the judges. The tenor was horrified by the sight and especially the fresh stench of burnt flesh. Before he could respond properly, he too was roasted to a crisp.

Godzilla looked around, and either spasmed or actually shrugged its shoulders indicating, whatever before walking away.

MORAL: In competition, the last man standing is always the victor.