Don’t be a Dopey McDoperson dolt. Do something before you destroy your life, because haircuts define you.

There was no denying it. Franklin Nathaniel Stein was a different man after a good haircut, for the good. Conversely, after a bad haircut, he was nothing more than a run-of-the-mill cantankerous curmudgeon. That was four months ago. Perhaps a coincidence, probably not, the man who butchered his hair, Vince Pattitucci, no longer lives and breathes.

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