It is rare when a cow survives a tornado, but when it does, the cow becomes an incessant arrogant asshole. It’s true.
The storm moved in quickly and spread rapidly like pancreatic cancer on an unsuspecting soul. Raymond Harcourt shielded his eyes from the rain as best as he could, when he heard an eerie sound from above getting louder. It was a tornado cow, emphasis on was. It descended and splattered all over the parking lot.
“Don’t cry for me Argentina, I have lived a life better than over 98% of North Korea.”
It was weird. I was at the animal shelter against my better judgment. Currently, I was standing still on a broken treadmill, not even pretending to move forward, surrounded by a sea of depression. My girlfriend, Lori, left me for an older man. In most cases, it wouldn’t matter who it was, but here, in the now; it was fucking Don Henley. Yes, the very same drummer/vocalist of Eagles fame. Yet, I digress.
According to North Korean lore, you are considered fortunate if you can afford a bowl of clean rice.
Horatio gallantly put the dirty horseshoe in the front pocket of his overalls. He needed all the luck he could muster if he was going to get that job. Upon thinking of his tremendous upper hand, he felt a sharp twinge of pain in the upper part of his heart. Being a worldly man, he recognized the specific ache. It was empathy and conscience. It was apparent that if he obtained employment by using luck, it would be unfair, and consequently, he would not be able to live with himself.
As soon as I think I’ve got things figured out in the 21st century, there is still frog taxidermy and this.
It was the way he said it. The fully-realized conviction in his eyes, the solemnity of his relaxed eyebrows, his firm lips, which were normally quivering like recently snapped rubber bands moving this way and that. Van Von Simpson II even stood while he spoke. This was beyond astounding, for prior to this moment, he was incapable of standing and speaking simultaneously in the same way most people cannot chew gum.
The sound of a switchblade and a motorbike.
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