An Inopportune Time For Cramps


The near-extinct sprinting crocodile about to spring into a striking chasing pose. According to seasoned disfigured safari hunters, these creature will tear the living shit out of you.  Image Source.

He had a very stupid name, Hoggy MacGoogan. Short story long, Hoggy’s “supposed” father was an Armenian prankster. His parents before him were greater pranksters and had their last name legally changed to something, anything Scottish. Literally translated, Hoggy meant disregard the following Scottish. His mother was completely oblivious. Not because she was American, but because she was more concerned with the greater priorities in life, like shooing away the persistent gorilla from the kitchen. One day, Dad disappeared, not sure if it was coincidence, but so did the badgering gorilla. Perhaps not coincidence, nine months later, Mom gave birth to the ugliest thing anyone has ever seen. At this precise moment, none of this mattered one bit. Hoggy MacGoogan was running for dear life.

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