Always be prepared. Disaster is always a hair’s breadth away. If stranded in a grocery store because of an earthquake, tornado, or local sports team victory, it has been statistically proven that the happiest and safest place to be is in the junk food aisle. 

“I don’t get it.” You could clearly tell by Kit Katz’s deadpan expression, which was equally dim and vacant that he did not get it.

So Laurie DePlorry repeated herself slower and louder as if inappropriately speaking to a deaf person. “I! Have! Been! Constipated! For! Three! Days!”

The declaration caught the attention of everyone in the grocery store, especially that of an elderly woman who reacted by dropping glassware in aisle two, accompanied with an archaic swear, “Godfuck!”

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