The Abnormal Goodnight

suburban house

Another day in the suburbs, a different kind of perverse.

All evening, things were off at the Wagonsworth household. Hal got home at 6:07 instead of 6:01. Maxine served dinner at 6:20 instead of 6:22. It was Wednesday and instead of the traditional hump day lemon garlic chicken on a bed of overcooked rice, it was a turkey casserole. These breaks of habit went on all evening. Instead of Fox® News, ESPN®. All the while, not one word was exchanged. This was highly unusual in comparison to their constant bickering.

It was midnight. They were in bed eight minutes later than usual. They kissed goodnight like rehearsed robots. Hal rolled on his side to turn off the dusty Hello Kitty™ lamp beside the bed. He broke the silence to say what he had said every night since they got married. “I love you. See you tomorrow, unless I die in my sleep.”

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Jonesin’ Up With The Joneses

House Front View Shrubs Front Door Home Brick

Suburban life is like a dog’s life, sometimes you get fleas, and you can always get a flea collar.  Image Source.



According to the neighbors, Richard Walk’s lawn was unacceptable and unsightly, in short, too ugly and not living up to the standards of Pleasant Hills. The message came in the form of a yellow Post-It Note™ on the front door; it read: Cut your lawn or MOVE! Richard Walk was forewarned about the petty passive/aggressive nature of this suburb. Like most ignorant people, he laughed it off without considering the consequences.

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