It was 4:20 PM, and the shepherd, a true creature of habit, took a long drag of his marijuana stick, which he endearingly called “mary j-bone”. Black resin ran down the paper to his fingertips as it hissed, the cherry glowing bright orange, almost red. He crossed his eyes, half for effect, and half because the weed that he was smoking was pure dynamite: Howie’s Retro Maui Wowie. He spit on his fingers, and doused the joint. He put the saliva moist roach in the plastic wrapper of a box of Marlboros. The roach joined three others. They resembled insects trapped between the cellophane and iconic red, white and black of the box.

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The crow was happy as it flew above the trees, circling, looking for the perfect tree. The same could not be said for the trout caught in the crow’s beak, flopping about, trying to survive, but in fact, dying with each spasm and flutter. The crow finally spotted the perfect branch, where it could eat the scaly twitch in the sun. It was hoping for a solar ceviche effect minus the citrus fruit. For the sake of closure, the trout’s last thoughts were, “I wish I had spent more time with my children.”

The crow hummed a fish song loudly. [Homonym alert: not to be confused with Phish, a popular jam band.] It was a joyous song that contained the lyrics, “Gonna eat me some fish that I just snatched with my beak, the best damn fish I’ve eaten in weeks.” The melody was so catchy, it made the big crossover and was known throughout the animal kingdom.

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I’m not sure why, but a man and a lion were companions on a journey. (This must have been a thing back in the days of Aesop, because this sort of interaction hasn’t happened in my lifetime, maybe Siegfried and Roy.) [Fact check: Neither Siegfried nor Roy was a lion.] In the course of conversation, they began to boast about their prowess, and each claimed to be superior to the other in strength, courage, and intelligence. This arguing continued, growing louder, rage rising, when they came to a crossroad where there was a statue of a man strangling a lion. The man was Hercules, and the lion had bugged out eyes on the verge of popping out of its head.

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The Simon was a very short being, which was unfortunate at this moment in time, for he had fallen into a well. Try as he might, he was unable to scale the concrete wall.

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