Wolf This


Scientists believe that few gray wolves survive in Europe by choice. Recent studies indicate that gray wolves may be more racist than realized.

“I only found one of 14 ewes alive. 13 laying on the pasture dead. It was an act of joy. It wasn’t an act of I’m hungry I need something to eat.”
Ray Calaway

The wolf was satisfied. It was apparent in the way it was sprawled out on the cool cave floor, on its back, rubbing its bloated tummy with its bloody paws. Dried brown blood caked its jaws, and for good measure and unintended dramatic effect, it belched, which was followed by a dribble of vomit. Unlike mankind, wolves cannot vomit a little in their mouths and swallow. This is what it feels like after you mutilate thirteen sheep.

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Grey Mongoose

Don’t mess with the Indian gray mongoose, they are probably the biggest assholes you’ll ever meet. 

The mongoose was on the prowl, looking for some snake, the venomous kind, very much like a repressed horny man seeking free pornography. It exuded desperation, and didn’t give one iota of shit beyond the end goal.

It was an Indian gray mongoose. It’s how they do. This is not to say they’re all the same. That would be mongoosism. Yet, at the same time, it is not a denial.

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The Man And The Moon


The moon said, “Checkmate.” The man stood there, dumbfounded. Minutes later he said, “You’re a checkmate.”

Long into the night, the man debated with the moon over the terms waxing and waning. All the while, growing louder and louder with each shot of cheap bourbon they imbibed. The man claimed that the moon was waxing, and the moon insisted that the man was waning.

It did not matter a lick that they were both correct, for there was still a lot of bourbon left. What the two lacked in intelligence, they more than made up for with their impeccable stamina.

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The Man And The Ant


This being a fable, you can bet your sweet petunia pie that this ant will suffer while we learn some sort of lesson.

“Hey dude, you’re blocking the sun.”

The man paused, and looked all about. “Who the what?” He was confused by the curious voice that seemed to come from nowhere.

“Down here, numb brain.” It was a common black ant. If you are familiar with the body language of ants, you would know it was pissed. Seriously.

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