Sparkle while you can, die trying Part 3

kid holding his nose from bad odor

Initially, I was going to rail on Jada Pinkett Smith. She has no idea what is what anymore. She needs to just shut the fuck up and enjoy the millions of dollars she has the privilege to earn honestly, living the dream of a wealthy scientologist. Publicly crying about not being nominated for an award, a Golden Globe, no less, is deserving of a serious ass-whooping. Obviously, you’ve lost your sense of priority, humility, and reality. Boo-hoo, my caviar is too salty. Boo-hoo, I got a cramp in my hand from counting all my fucking money. Boo-hoo, I miss the taste of baby laxative in my pure rock cocaine. Boo-hoo, old school Disney’s Duck Talesis so much better than this new computerized shit.

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The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth

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An emoticon utilized by texters to say I’m laughing so hard, I’m crying.

Big Bill and Little Bill laughed uproariously for a solid eighteen minutes. When their guts were not releasing a hearty guffaw, a few words were interspersed; “inheritance, overnight, haunted mansion, crazy Uncle Frederic III, half a million dollars, and hepatitis B.” These interjections only propagated the infectious chortling, and the stuttered attempts to reiterate just made it funnier. A good spit take of a mouthful of warm bottled water to Little Bill’s face added another six minutes of exaggerated chuckling.

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A Change For The Better

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2 ft. 4 in. tall, Clarence Chesterfield Howerton

Since Frank quit drinking, he got smaller. It wasn’t gradual. It was immediate, boom. His voice softer. His stance shorter. His smile weaker. His eyes dimmer. If he turned the right way with the perfect lighting, he could disappear into apparent nothingness. He enjoyed fading out of existence.

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Around Town with Reginald The Cat

 

Around Town-Reginald

Illustration ©1992 Jay Lynch

It’s been a stretch since I last mewled at you all. Meow. I didn’t think it could be possible, but things have gotten crazier since then, right? Alabama. Jerusalem. Wild fires in California. Our current president, TRUMP. North Korea. The new Fancy Feast® roasted salmon in primavera sauce, chunkier is better. It is so good. I have been known to beg for more. MATT LAUER. Pitch Perfect 3.

Disclaimer: The viewpoints expressed by the author do not necessarily reflect the opinions, viewpoints and official policies of sungmokoo.com.

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