All The Chips

Posted on August 26, 2019 by sungmokoo

The Sanbot® will make people seem as ridiculous as the landline phone.

“I’ve only got time to say this once, so listen up.” Mr. Barker, as usual, had his resting sober business face on, as he addressed his personal assistant, Jim Barker, no relation, but worth noting, he got hired solely because of the shared surname. Jim nodded.

“You need to get Dr. Barker [Again, no relation, but worth noting the only reason he’s his doctor is because of the last name.] on the phone and decipher his phone message. I swear that ass speaks like he writes, illegibly. Something or another about chronic pussitis. Is that even a thing?”

Jim continued to nod.

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A New Act

Posted on August 25, 2019 by sungmokoo

This is a classic bachelor pad. You can smell the day old scent of feet and farts. Image Source

Victor Hodge woke up in a cold sweat. There was a tiny knock on the door, accompanied with a diminutive voice, “Victor Hodge? Victor Hodge.” Over and over again, first a question, followed by a statement. The rhythm was perfectly incessant. He half-groaned and replied, “Coming.”

He sat up, slid his oafish feet into a pair of tattered slippers, and dragged them on the floor, nearly tripping on an antique birdcage. He approached the door cautiously. He looked through the peephole, and saw no one. Yet, the tiny knock persisted.

Against his better judgment, he opened the door slowly. On the ground was a ventriloquist’s dummy, lying face down in what appeared to be a pool of vomit. Victor picked it up, looked down the hallway, and quickly closed the door. The dummy reeked of cheap booze.

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Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Posted on August 24, 2019 by sungmokoo

“Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got. Taking a break from all your worries is why we all smoke pot.”

The good old neighborhood sports bar on the corner erupted as the home team scored a touchdown. Everyone was there. Angst Finkelstein and his girlfriend, Amanda or Linda, it definitely ended in ‘da’, it could have been Miranda, Sleepy Joe Sister, Norm Elsie, and too many more to mention.

The bar erupted again, with twice the ferocity when an unassuming man with a suspicious army-green duffel bag over his shoulder walked in. He was immediately surrounded by well-wishers, who apparently loved to high five.

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The Bad In Every Man

Posted on August 24, 2019 by sungmokoo

How did the lumberjack break his ankles playing golf? He fell out of the ball wash.

Emmanuel Labor set down his axe, wiped the thick sweat from his forehead with the back of his brawny hand, and looked at all his hard work. He had just cleared one acre of forest, with many more acres to go.

He felt a swelling in his chest and assumed it was pride. It was heartburn. A hearty burp verified it.

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