In Defense of Jazz Hands and The Kung-Fu Grip™


According to Quincy Jones, this ugly American had sex with a mailbox. 

In a world where voices are farts, I would like to preface the following with: Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one and they’re all wrong.

You may call me privileged, or worst, an American, but beneath this slimy veneer, I am a dreamer, one of those stupid optimists. With this, I believe that free network television can be better. We, most importantly, I deserve it. They need to conjure up some way to even the playing field so they can honestly compete against cable television and streaming services. At this rate, the networks are taxicabs, and HBO® is the Uber®, but more expensive. The answer to their survival is simple, use cuss words after 8 PM Central Time. Before you rebut with: what about the children? Shut the fuck up.

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