The Pensive Piano

Music Dirty Instrument Piano Old Destroyed Broken

The piano was so stoned on the heroin that it lost all sense of self perception. It thought it looked pretty good for its age. No one had the courage to tell it otherwise.

It was the classic struggle of man vs. piano. To be particular, Jerry Dootie was a back end octogenarian, an accomplished pianist, and most worth noting, on the verge of death.

The piano was twice Jerry’s age; it served in the Civil War. It is rumored that Abraham Lincoln attempted to play “Dixie” on the piano. It was horrendous. Not once did anyone bother to consider that Lincoln was musically inept. He was. The piano was blamed, and immediately placed into storage.

Continue reading

Music Soothes The Soul And The Savage Beast


There’s an old joke about a ten inch pianist and the confusion that ensues because everyone else is thinking ten inch penis. You have to be there.

Bromo Seltzeroff sat behind the eggshell white grand piano and looked out at the audience. He thought, this is what a sold out show looks like. He was about to perform Scott Joplin’s “The Entertainer,” known to some as the theme song to the Academy Award winner for Best Picture, “The Sting,” or to some, as that ditty played out of the crappy speakers of an ice cream truck. As far as Bromo was concerned, it was never about the fame, it was more about the money.

Continue reading

P Is For Piano Mystery


I have spent many hours, even weeks wondering about the homophones penis and pianist. Was it done on purpose?

His face soured, because he was severely rankled. He discovered an “obvious” pubic hair on his piano. Dick Petersen Skrotumsky was a world-renowned classical pianist. It was no coincidence that he had a figurative Dick face, in that he had a long dangling nose and his puffed jowls looked like balls. To top it off, he demonstrated over and over again, he was a dick.

Continue reading