It was the worst of times in America, bloody body parts strewn in the streets, half-eaten sandwiches rapidly growing mold, and reruns. It was cold; steam formed and rose from the fresher corpses. It was the new “typical” Midwestern Christmas. It was just ten years ago! A wave of paranoia accompanied by the brutal sub-zero polar vortex winds swept through the streets, packed with last minute holiday shoppers, who bravely sidestepped all the decomposing flesh lying on the street like so much dog manure.