Stooge’s Christmas

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A story about the two stooges on the right.

Larry Fine squinted, revealing all his age lines, 427 to be exact, as he limped out of the car and up the front steps. Each step made pain shoot sharply through his 70 year old body. “Ow, ow, ow!” one of his many catchphrases echoed through his mind. He tugged at the bottom part of his pant leg, it was clinging to his socks, not only was it static, it was annoying as all hell. It was Christmas in L.A., 65 degrees and sunny, not that it mattered. Ask anyone and they will tell you that Larry Fine was soberly Jewish through and through. He had still retained his curly kinky hair, and in this light, it looked like two ragged tumbleweeds attached to the side of a perfectly decent bald head.

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A Christmas Carol

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Ebenezer Scrooge woke up suddenly. It took all the energy he could muster to sit upright. He was gasping, mouth parched, heart racing, and he was moist. This was his old feeble body’s way of perspiring. He cursed that damn recurring nightmare where he is visited by ghosts of Christmas past, present and future. How many times can he endure this horrifying vision without dying?

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Elvis Presley’s Last Christmas

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1976 was one hell of a year. In February, Elvis Presley was made an honorary captain of the Memphis Police Department. He was doing shows in Las Vegas, while working on ending a mafia drug ring. Oh my sweet Lord, that Bicentennial was something else too. On this Christmas evening, Elvis was working through constipation. There was a complicated issue of the zero in the number two, or seeing a man about unloading some donkeys.

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The First Christmas

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At this precise moment, the three wise men were not feeling very wise, instead, they were feeling hungry and crabby. All of this following the North Star for days on end appeared futile, maybe even stupid. It was wearing them down physically and spiritually. Yet, somehow faith won out over reason, and they forged ahead. They grumbled about the combined stink of frankincense, myrrh, the camel, and Bethlehem.

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