Christmas With Rip Van Winkle VI

Irvington_statue_of_Rip_van_Winkle.jpg

Two days ago, Rip Van Winkle VI had woken from a twenty-year nap. It comes as no surprise; he was undernourished and weak. He had a six-foot gray beard. There is no way to sugar coat this, he looked half dead. He was fortunate to have been discovered by a team of psychologists, as opposed to a gaggle of cannibals. Long story short, first cold day, as good a day to treat one’s self, thus annual office skating party. The group found Rip Van Winkle VI, who was in a wandering stupor as they gathered under a snow-covered oak tree.

Continue reading

A Reservation For Christmas

The_First_Thanksgiving_cph.3g04961.jpg

It was 1621, a few months after the very first Thanksgiving feast. Technically, it was a harvest feast, and not the Thanksgiving feast we are familiar with. If not for Wampanoag tribe leader, Massanoit, there would have been zilch to harvest, and that zilch would have been the Pilgrim population to boot. Massanoit felt pity on the simple Pilgrims and taught them how to farm earlier in the year. It saved their lives.

Continue reading

The War On Christmas

Christmas in Leeds 2009

It was the worst of times in America, bloody body parts strewn in the streets, half-eaten sandwiches rapidly growing mold, and reruns. It was cold; steam formed and rose from the fresher corpses. It was the new “typical” Midwestern Christmas. It was just ten years ago! A wave of paranoia accompanied by the brutal sub-zero polar vortex winds swept through the streets, packed with last minute holiday shoppers, who bravely sidestepped all the decomposing flesh lying on the street like so much dog manure.

Continue reading

“A Quiet Tear For A Rocket Man [Una Lagrima Quieta Para Un Hombre Cohete] by ELTON JOHN Vs. HERB ALPERT & THE TIJUANA BRASS

Alpert John
To say my Spanish is atrocious is like saying the President of the United States, Trump, is greedy, in that there is a definite shred of truth, yet unnecessary to state out loud. Redundancy, as in a waste of breath just to hear the sound of your own stupid voice. 2017 is finally coming to a close, and it is safe to say that history will look back at this time, and pinpoint the exact time America gave up the right to use the word dignity.

Continue reading