Dear current president of the United States, Donald Trump,
Before I ask my question, I would like to commend you on finally acknowledging your hair-challenged scalp. It’s nice that you are expanding your repertoire of bullying, lying, blaming, no-colluding/really colluding, groping, tweeting, and golfing. Self-deprecation must be difficult for you, especially with those small hands, smaller brain and that microscopic black withering thing that pumps blood through your body. I found that you’re actual quote, “I try like hell to hide that bald spot,” could have been better. Here’s a suggestion: Bad hair day? More like, bad hair life. Lock her up.