Trusting a puppy this cute may be the gateway to a slow descent to hell filled with heroin and shitty friends. Then again, not.
The small dog, named Butter, yipped ceaselessly for twenty long agonizing minutes. If anyone had bothered to learn Morse code, they would have heard, “SOS, my owner has fallen into a hole. SOS, my owner needs help. SOS, I am very hungry,” over and over again.
Disheartened by the stupidity of the humans, Butter found a laptop computer. It tried to type a message, but its paws were as subtle as hammers on crackers. To make it more incomprehensible, it did not understand the backspace key, and spelling was definitely its kryptonite. The message looked more like the track listing to a Sigur Rós album. Turning inner words into outward words was much harder than Butter imagined it would be. This must be how a classic Latin speaking man in a world of crazy slang English feels.
Dogbot or Robo-Dog?
In the last surviving beach in a not too distant future, a dog dropped a tattered Frisbee® at the feet of the rusty old robot. The sea air was not good for the robot’s surface. The dog was dripping wet, and out of breath. For clarity’s sake, the dog will here forth be referenced as Panty.
Panty was of an awkward breed, the boxshund, a horrific beast with the face of a boxer and the body of a dachshund. It hyperventilated heavily, making it look like a brown hot dog inflating and deflating in a microwave oven on the verge of bursting. Also, its tongue was hanging out of the side of its mouth. It decided this would be the best time to shake off the excess water. Satisfied, it lifted its back leg and peed all over the robot.
This is something you will never see in North Korea. Ever!
Wonder was a happy-go-lucky dog, more so now, that he was free, free at last. After three long years of being imprisoned by those humanoid fucks, he could truly find himself. Actually, it was only one month, but Wonder was really bad at comprehending time. Dogs, am I right?
As the dog’s lungs filled with water, it’s last dying thought or scent was peanut butter.