“Too Busy Thinking About My Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” by MARVIN GAYE Vs. WHAM!

Posted on January 28, 2018 by sungmokoo

Gaye-Wham

In 1986, Wham! officially broke up. Truth is, it was a somber day for Andrew Ridgeley. George Michael had to have some kind of inkling of an idea that he was going to go the solo artist route. The band thing was only holding him back from greater success and sexual acts in public toilets. It makes sense that Andrew Ridgeley, more commonly known as the other guy with no talent of Wham!, you know, the guy who danced, but didn’t sing (he may have sung “jitterbug”, yet, I have doubts that he could sing that low.), was not heard from again, until the death of George Michael.

Marvin Gaye was fatally shot by his dad on April 1, 1984. At the risk of sounding racist, he was a much better performer than Wham!

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A Very Nazi Christmas

Posted on January 27, 2018 by sungmokoo

“In hindsight, I could have had more empathy. History tends to be kinder to those.”

War is hell. Christmas in Nazi Germany, 1941 was proof of that. Ask Dean Von Gundermann. He was twenty-five years old, and a good twenty-five years ahead of his time. He was a misplaced flower child stuck in an oppressive Hitler regime. He would have certainly flourished following around the Grateful Dead on the west coast of America. He would have looked absolutely adorable with long flowing ebony hair, wearing a dashiki or Nehru jacket. Perhaps this would be an appropriate time to start anew as I take a very cold shower.

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The Resurrection Of Christmas Cop

Posted on January 26, 2018 by sungmokoo

“Coming back to life is greatly overrated. By overrated, I mean, it’s like dirty ass hairs, like a stiff paintbrush.”

It was Christmas Day, 2010. One year had passed since the expiration of Christmas Cop. He was molested awake by his very own stench. Thick make up collapsed atop his rapidly decaying face. Maggots, worms, and every creature in-between feasted on his body. It was gross, and oh my sweet dear Lord, that unbearable hoobastank®. He tried to cry out, and was greeted with profound silence. This sucked. He tried to move. He was met with the equivalence of silence for motion.

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The Death Of Christmas Cop

Posted on January 25, 2018 by sungmokoo

“Now that I’m dead, I can say this without remorse, I love you, man.”

As sure as Christmas Cop was born on Christmas Day, he died on Christmas Day, 2009 at the tender age of 71. Of course, his death was untimely, in that he was running six-and-a-half hours late. He overslept; perhaps, he just slept. You see, retirement further messed up his already horrible sense of time. He jumped in the shower, frisked himself with soap, jumped out of the shower, slipped, banged his head on the corner of the sink, suffered a severe concussion, didn’t know it, got into his car in the garage, thought about starting up the car, but instead, fell asleep behind the wheel for the very last time. His corpse was not discovered until Valentine’s Day. If there’s one thing to be learned, it is this…
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