A previous happy Christmas in Bedrock.
It was Christmas day in Bedrock. In years past, it was a festive time of hustle and bustle and cheer and joy and camaraderie, but this year, due to the Great Depression, it was forlorn. Money was scarce, except for the fat cats, The Slates ,The Rockefellers and Clay Aikens.
DISCLAIMER: Many facts were altered to make the following a Christmas tale.
We were bored, cabin fever. What was supposed to be a two-day visit turned out to be a snowed in five-day ordeal in Mason City. Despite all this, we were feeling festive. It’s probably important to convey, we were stoned immaculate and as drunk as off-duty elves. Two words gave us focus and led us to the merriest Christmas since the birth of what’s his name. Pastry elephants.
You would never believe the horrors The Elf On The Shelf® saw; not that you could ever tell from that incredible manufactured poker face- that permanent winsome smile, those large painted eyes always looking away, the stupid lashes, and that damn eternal impish grin. He went by the name, Twenty Nine.
In the hustle and bustle of the city, Fisherman was a genuine urban crime fighter. Originally, he was a criminal, but his great dislike for losing changed his career path. His moniker was purposefully misleading. FACT: Bruce Dobbs was a fisherman, not professionally, but enough to call it more than a hobby. FACT: Dobbs was a persistent scrapper; he will, without hesitation, bite your nose off if you had a suspicious sneeze. FACT: He confounded his enemies by not using gimmicks or powers related to fish in any way, although his attire was all about fishing. He used guns. Every once in awhile, he would toss in a fish pun in his repertoire of “witty banter”. Things like “I do it for the halibut”, “Barricuda? You brought her?!”, and “Sorry for being so shellfish, here, have some of my fist, followed by a stream of bullets.” Later, he would give up the “witty banter”. So much of it got lost under the harsh repetitive rat-a-tat of his machine gun fire.
The sound of a switchblade and a motorbike.
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