Aquaman’s® Day Off

 

aquaman costume

Do you see black and blue or white and gold? Aquaman® sees a suit of great responsibility.

Aquaman® was beside himself. He was absolutely pissed. It was supposed to be his day of serious rest and relaxation. Instead, taking the advice of his main man, Vulko®, he found himself speechifying in front of a small group of mollusks, assorted crustaceans, and starfish in order to strengthen support from all of his subjects. There had been a great divide after an offhand ichthyologist joke he made in an interview with robot Lester Holt®. All because of an offhand pun about sea anemones, enemies, and frenemies. It was a rhyme. It was cute. He didn’t mean it.  In short, Karma® sucks. Apologizing wasn’t enough, so now he was on this tedious spin tour. Keep in mind, he was the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, thus it was reflective in his body language. He took the stance of a vegetarian at a meat festival behind the podium, hunched over and anxious. It was painfully obvious that he had better things to do.

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Nothingness Breeds Nothingness

dawn on the S rim of the Grand Canyon

SPOILER ALERT: Inefficient Man® strikes a heroic pose in front of the Grand Canyon.

After countless years of being told how inefficient he was by his boss, and especially his wife of 17 years, Blaine Edwards was sufficiently convinced. He decided he would show them what was what, and became the most inefficient man they or anyone had ever seen.

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An Untold Tale Of Sgt. Rock®

Sgt. Rock.jpg

Where the damn hell am I? What the damn hell is this? The last thing I remember was fighting the dreaded Ratzis in France and ohhhh… Yeah, there was an explosion, followed by some crazy glowing dame taking me by the hand and yanking me into a freaking time portal. There’s my where and when, but what? What the damn hell is this?

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A Superhero Sighting

Talisman

New wave of superheroes include Talisman. Beware his magic, evildoers.

Funny story, true. I’m taking out the trash last Thursday night, you know, around eight, right between Little Sheldon® and Moms®, and I see, get this, I see The Oaf® and Talisman® getting all up into it. You know, those two newbie superheroes wearing all that spandex, gold and glitter. Right over there, in front of that driveway. And, they’re cussing up a storm. I swear, it was all fuck this and fuck that shit and you ain’t shit without me and your mother’s a fucking idiot and you and what fucking shit-ass army.

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