Get Your Kicks On Route 66

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To paraphrase, Confucius, “If you ever plan to motor west, travel my way, take the highway that is best. Get your kicks on Route 66.”

Colitas Jones should have known better to be driving around while she was this pissed off. Instead of adjusting the rearview mirror, she snapped it off, which triggered a stream of negative thoughts about disposable cheap manufacturing.

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How We Do

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Every time you drive on the highway, you run the risk of getting shot dead in a drive-by. The same is true when walking down the street. The lesson gleaned: stay inside and avoid falling down.

“Oh wow,” were Dr. Eggs Benedict’s final words after realizing the ketchup stain on his shirt began to gush blood. It was one of those stray bullets from a highway drive by. What were the odds of it hitting the stain? Seriously. Instinctively, he turned up the radio.

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Better Sorry Than Safe

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How now unibrow?

Everyone called him Bert; when in actuality, his name was George. He had an intense unibrow, an exaggerated orange oval nose, a tuft of black hair atop his head, and yellow skin. To offset his rather oblong face, he always wore a vertical striped shirt, which also had a slimming effect.

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You Can’t Spell Diet Without Die

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Don’t be a cannibal, be a cannotibal.

This was the exact reason why we decided all those years ago that we would never consume other humans. This pile of disgusting regurgitated glop composed of the pesky neighbor and spinach is why I wished we had hardwood floors instead of carpeting. Truth be told, the guy deserved to be eaten, for looking so delicious.

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