This Story Will Change Your Mind

Posted on February 21, 2018 by sungmokoo

Don’t mind me, I’m just trying to adjust some of these lobes to fulfill my new role in life.

The following story is not intended to be humorous. Keep in mind, if you laugh, it’s on you, shame on you, because I have given you this warning. Trust me, this is the most difficult thing I have ever written. It has finally gotten through my thick head that these are serious times and I want to contribute change for the betterment of our divided nation. Originally, I thought my tilted point of view helps society, but it turns out my attempts at “humor”, especially all the failing, just further divides us. I will let the entertainers entertain, the pundits pund, the comedians comedy, while I delve into the horrifying underbelly of truth. And I know what you’re probably saying just after, “Shut the fuck up you arrogant jackass,” and that’s “Seriously, shut the fuck up.”

I pity myself for spewing stupid ha ha words in search of approval in the currency of stupid laughter. It is meaningless. This is not the time. It is time to be as serious as a Russian heart attack, which is to say Russians, not all of them, but a lot of them, tend to be more somber than Americans, case in point, Yakov Smirnoff. I rest my case. Yakov Smirnoff is a Soviet-born “comedian”, “actor”, and “writer”. After emigrating to the United States in 1977, like a flu virus, he spread his “comedy” and many of us got sick.

I do not want to be that guy who can’t answer his son when he asks, “Hey dad, you were an active citizen when all this b.s. went down, why didn’t you do anything?” Sadly, this would be my response. “I was blogging and writing quirky stories for an audience of fifty or so.” And how painful is it when your son looks through you like you’re nothing but the encrusted burnt cheese on aluminum foil after reheating a pizza? I don’t want to know this answer. That is why I have written this flash fiction manifesto. I would gladly give up one hundred likes if I can change one mind. With that, I present the story I believe may change your life. It changed mine.

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What I learned from social media the day after Presidents’ Day

Posted on February 20, 2018 by sungmokoo

Social media, like alcohol and raw sewage, will destroy your life if you let it.

It’s Presidents’ Day and not President’s Day. Teens still don’t want to get killed by guns! Especially of the automatic weapons kind. It’s not like there was a time when they did! There’s a Kentucky Fried Chicken® shortage in England™. A lot of parents do not like the eccentric Public Television Cartoon Caillou. I get it, there seems to be an absent back-story to Caillou’s mental illness or disability, which makes the show seem dangerously dishonest or overly coy. If he was a real boy, I am certain we’d be calling the authorities for his suspicious behavior. Speaking of, current president of the United States, Donald Trump, is smart enough to not force himself on a woman in front of security cameras. That’s like a bank robber saying, he does not rob banks in front of security cameras. In essence, there’s an admission to being a criminal. What a maroon. Bite-sized quiche is not difficult to make. In fact, I could make it. Patton Oswalt is on a book tour for a book he did not write. David Bowie was one skinny motherfucker in the day. Proof that our society is finally getting it: people who fart on planes are finally being treated like terrorists.

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Goodness Gracious, It’s Confucius

Posted on February 20, 2018 by sungmokoo

Confucius [551 BC – 479 BC] said, “It is not over until it is properly concluded.”

On that fateful day, Confucius walked into the forest to gather his thoughts. The sky was gray as if it reflected his mood. Discovery must occur each day, or we are as stagnant as the rice water in a dead man’s bowl. He looked at the ground and eyed the ripest apple he had ever seen. He picked it up and held it up to the sky, examining it with great scrutiny. Confucius was very judgmental, in fact, his peers commonly called him the town asshole. It was not uncommon to hear, “Shut the fuck up, Confucius.” It was also not uncommon for Confucius to respond with, “No, you.”

Yellow had never known such vibrancy. This could not stand. He felt a profound emptiness in the pit of his stomach. There had to be a better word to define all this beauty. He would get all up in there and come up with something befitting, as sure as his name was Confucius, because that is how Confucius do.

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“Heaven Must Have Sent You, It’s Still Rock And Roll To Me” by THE ELGINS Vs. BILLY JOEL

Posted on February 18, 2018 by sungmokoo

Elgins-Joel
I would like to present, a mash up, a mixture or fusion of disparate elements, like Adam and Eve, like Nixon and anything else, and it goes something like this. A-one, a-two, a-one a-two a-you know what to do.

For all you Americans out there, Happy Presidents’ Day, although technically, it is still officially called Washington’s Birthday by the federal government. And they would know.

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