Trumpsplaining 9/11

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“There’s a reason they call it the dark side. Think about it. They claim they’re like us, but in actuality, how could they be? Their pigment is so much darker. It’s like they bathe in their own shithole land. Sick! It’s sick!” The words of a lazy out of touch white power wielding fatso.

Thank you. Thank you. Good evening, ladies and germs. See what I did there? Double negative. Today, we honor the brave Americans who have fallen on that tragic day, 9/11, seventeen years ago. By the way, I’d like to remind all of you, not on my watch. Not on my watch. Not many people know this, but we remember that day fondly because it’s when America came together. Even the fake media got that right. They pretty much had to. But oh, that nasty fake media, don’t get me started. And what about that sleepy Chuck Todd? He’s so sleepy-eyed, he needs some strong coffee or something, am I right?

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It Is Too Bad Kavanaugh Doesn’t Rhyme With Smug Privileged Asshole Liar

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This horrific no-look pass is the greatest sports blooper of the decade.

My intention was to chronicle the demise of American democracy using the classic form of art, the epic poem. I wanted to heighten the moment in the vein of Homer’s “Iliad” or T.S. Eliot’s “The Wasteland” or Pauly Shore’s “He Who Farts Loudest Has The Final Laugh”. Sadly, I do not have the time or the rhymes necessary to take on such a large task for a mere audience of six or so.

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Putting The Fun Back Into Funeral

 

smirking donald trump

The true reason for the closed casket is because this was Trump’s dying face and the funeral director could not help but pummel it beyond recognition. Image Source.

Yesterday I proposed an imaginary scenario where current president of the United States himself dictator wannabe, Donald “Roger Doltrey Of The Who: The Current Waning Line-up” Trump died, and who would attend his measly funeral. I would like to take this time to continue with my discourse. Without imposing sympathy on this vile being, it would surely be the saddest event of all time. Indeed, sad.

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Urine Big Trouble

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What’s the difference between O.J. Simpson and Simba? Simba is the lion king. Simpson is an ugly chapter in our reality.

 

In a normal world, there is a price to pay for indecency. Subsequently, doing the right thing is rewarded. Sadly, my friends, this is no longer the case. Normalcy no longer exists in this ridiculous YouTube® society. Three years ago, if someone had told me that a world leader had been pissed on by Russian hookers, I would have laughed and laughed.

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