Neither Hide Nor Hair

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When searching the word ‘peculiar’ on the interwebs, this was one of the first images to appear. 

Maria Padilla was peculiar, to say the least. But it had nothing to do with her appearance, even though she was absolutely stupid crazy for plaid, wore her bra as an overgarment, somehow cornrowed her eyebrows, and every time she was faced with a choice, her tongue dropped out of her mouth. One day, she will have it reattached.

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That New App That’s Cool, But Really Not

old school face app

The old school version of the aging filter on FaceApp. The older school version is aging naturally and taking photos every ten years.

All of his friends were doing it was the only logical excuse Justin Sheepskin needed to unwittingly register his face into a facial recognition database. How could he not help data miners? It was the latest craze. Submit a current photo of yourself into an app, short for application, and the program will generate a photo predicting how you’ll look up to 40 years in the future.

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Wolf This

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Scientists believe that few gray wolves survive in Europe by choice. Recent studies indicate that gray wolves may be more racist than realized.

“I only found one of 14 ewes alive. 13 laying on the pasture dead. It was an act of joy. It wasn’t an act of I’m hungry I need something to eat.”
Ray Calaway

The wolf was satisfied. It was apparent in the way it was sprawled out on the cool cave floor, on its back, rubbing its bloated tummy with its bloody paws. Dried brown blood caked its jaws, and for good measure and unintended dramatic effect, it belched, which was followed by a dribble of vomit. Unlike mankind, wolves cannot vomit a little in their mouths and swallow. This is what it feels like after you mutilate thirteen sheep.

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Sunday Cards

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Gin rummy is the second best thing to do between two people. The first being, a classic duel.

Arthur and Tina were playing gin rummy on a blistering hot lazy Sunday. A baseball game without sound was playing on the extremely large television. A time before central air conditioning must have been pure hell. Arthur’s hand cramped up, so he set down his cards. “Do you remember Morris the Cat?”

Tina pursed her lips as she laid down the Ace of Hearts. “Of course I do. It/he was the spokesperson/cat for 9 Lives® cat food and made his first appearance in 1968. Why?”

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