In an alternate universe, the punchline is Gas Grass Or Ass, Nobody Rides For Free.
The banana was furious in thought. He was terrifically annoyed by an earworm. It was stuck, but good. It was slowly driving him insane. This will certainly be the last time he would go to Bed, Bath And Beyond®. They should warn you if they are going to pipe in that sort of music. Besides, the banana had just figured out that ‘beyond’ really means merchandise that doesn’t sell at T.J. Maxx®.
The day began like so many days before. I take a six-minute hot shower, until it turns cold, and then another two minutes of unforgiving ice water in order to repeat (lather and rinse). I stop at the corner bagel shop. I get a garlic bagel and three packets of cream cheese, and one grape jelly. (All generic, thus not earning a trademark or copyright.)
A Classic WWII Clark Bagel from 1941. Frankly, I could use some jam.
This bagel shop has been here since 1940. It was originally called Clark Bagel™, named after a big-eared mustached actor of the time, Clark Gable who apparently and frankly didn’t give a damn. Over time, it went through many incarnations without once closing the door for business. It was Aesop’s Bagels™, The Tower Of Bagel™, Sittin’ On The Dock Of The Bagel™, Wake And Bagel™, Bagel Watch™; a few fast food corporations tried their hand with Bagel Bell® and East coast quick-to-fail franchise, Bay Gull’s Bagels (Failed to launch so they never got a proper trademark), even Sonny Bono gave it a shot with I Got You Bagel™. For the last twelve years, it’s been called Bageltarium™.
According to Quincy Jones, this ugly American had sex with a mailbox.
In a world where voices are farts, I would like to preface the following with: Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one and they’re all wrong.
You may call me privileged, or worst, an American, but beneath this slimy veneer, I am a dreamer, one of those stupid optimists. With this, I believe that free network television can be better. We, most importantly, I deserve it. They need to conjure up some way to even the playing field so they can honestly compete against cable television and streaming services. At this rate, the networks are taxicabs, and HBO® is the Uber®, but more expensive. The answer to their survival is simple, use cuss words after 8 PM Central Time. Before you rebut with: what about the children? Shut the fuck up.
Here’s a mnemonic device to help you remember this song. It’s very convoluted, yet effective, so take notes. Begin with ROY G. BIV, which is the acronym for the colors of the rainbow. Which leads to the song, “Rainbow Connection” sung by Kermit The Frog, which begins with the lyrics, “Why are there so many songs about rainbows?” The answer of course is how the hell would I know. Which leads to who is Sagat? Same answer. And there you have it, “The Sound Of Superstition, Fuk Dat” by Sagat Vs. Stevie Wonder Vs. Simon & Garfunkel. Here to help your memory for less than a year.
The sound of a switchblade and a motorbike.
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