It is time to acknowledge that Freddy Mercury’s voice transcends the fabric of time and space. If I had to pinpoint and define the importance of his role in music history, I would liken it to the best breakfast of my life. And that, my friend, is a novel currently in the works. Oh, by the way, Dire Straits ain’t that bad.
Hey, it’s another one of those mash ups.
“Appreciate me better.”
I cannot think of a better way to celebrate National Cat Appreciation Month than to share the reasons why my cat is better than the current president of the United States, Donald Trump.
Before I proceed, my cat’s name is Puppy. She is almost three years old. Like her name implies, she can sit on command, and she fetches and returns plastic rings from milk gallons. Beyond that she is useless.
“Today they go for your guns, tomorrow, your karate instructors.” Illustration by ©1992 Jay Lynch
Hola, furless ones, but not you, DANNY DEVITO, for you are both the opposite of furless and one. To be clear, I’m saying you’re pretty heavy for your height. It’s been a spell since we last spoke. It’s good to see you’re still fucking idiots. Before you accuse me of being a humanist pig, you need to seriously look at your pathetic flabby hypocrite ass in the mirror. Really. One would think that a species that is capable of opening cans of food, or tossing a milk carton plastic ring, or cleaning hardened-clumped up excrement would achieve greater things. For God’s sake, you have thumbs. You are under achieving.
Disclaimer: The viewpoints expressed by the author do not necessarily reflect the opinions, viewpoints and official policies of sungmokoo.com. After all, it’s a God damn cat drawing.
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