Fake News Is Good News

 

bald trump in jail

An unlikely outcome, yet pleasing to those who have a soul. Image Source

As many of you are aware, my idea of relevance is releasing an explosive fart just before the grunt at the end of Santana’s “Oye Como Va”; and that song is 48 years old, and only God knows when the fart originated. Whatever. It’s always funny to me. When it comes to being topical, I am a mere rube. But, with all this current news™ swirling all around me, I reach out and try to connect, but come up empty handed. It could be because there are just too many news points. Gun control, or guntrol as the lazy pundits call it, the Russian probe, DACA, Florida, always Florida, the me too movement, Nazis, domestic abuse, tax reform, the clone of Reverend Al Sharpton, This Is Us®, The Winter Olympics, and that doesn’t even include natural disasters like North Korea.

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“Shimmy Shimmy Ya Jive Talking” by OL’ DIRTY BASTARD Vs. BEE GEES

ODB-BeeGees
It’s sad to realize we live in a world where capitalism rules without rhyme and reason. I don’t understand how the NRA® continues unscathed in the wake of all the tragedy it causes, while pharmaceutical companies, big tobacco, Agent Orange and 8-Track tapes slowly go extinct. Put a costume on it, we’re all going to hell in a handbasket, whatever the hell that means.

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The Banana And The Cow

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In an alternate universe, the punchline is Gas Grass Or Ass, Nobody Rides For Free. 

The banana was furious in thought. He was terrifically annoyed by an earworm. It was stuck, but good. It was slowly driving him insane. This will certainly be the last time he would go to Bed, Bath And Beyond®. They should warn you if they are going to pipe in that sort of music. Besides, the banana had just figured out that ‘beyond’ really means merchandise that doesn’t sell at T.J. Maxx®.

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Run Of The Mill, Until

The day began like so many days before. I take a six-minute hot shower, until it turns cold, and then another two minutes of unforgiving ice water in order to repeat (lather and rinse). I stop at the corner bagel shop. I get a garlic bagel and three packets of cream cheese, and one grape jelly. (All generic, thus not earning a trademark or copyright.)

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A Classic WWII Clark Bagel from 1941. Frankly, I could use some jam.

This bagel shop has been here since 1940. It was originally called Clark Bagel™, named after a big-eared mustached actor of the time, Clark Gable who apparently and frankly didn’t give a damn. Over time, it went through many incarnations without once closing the door for business. It was Aesop’s Bagels™, The Tower Of Bagel™, Sittin’ On The Dock Of The Bagel™, Wake And Bagel™, Bagel Watch™; a few fast food corporations tried their hand with Bagel Bell® and East coast quick-to-fail franchise, Bay Gull’s Bagels (Failed to launch so they never got a proper trademark), even Sonny Bono gave it a shot with I Got You Bagel™. For the last twelve years, it’s been called Bageltarium™.

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