Don’t be a Dopey McDoperson dolt. Do something before you destroy your life, because haircuts define you.
There was no denying it. Franklin Nathaniel Stein was a different man after a good haircut, for the good. Conversely, after a bad haircut, he was nothing more than a run-of-the-mill cantankerous curmudgeon. That was four months ago. Perhaps a coincidence, probably not, the man who butchered his hair, Vince Pattitucci, no longer lives and breathes.
To best understand this story, one must imagine this line and then multiply it by gazillion squared twice, and then minus seven or eight.
As consciousness returned, he found himself standing in a very long line of people. He had no recollection of how, why, where, or what. After about an hour or so, he categorized this whole affair futile. But, he had little to no choice. Wait or step out of line. When he looked behind him, the line was much longer than the one in front of him.
In this alternate universe, Stuperman is overtly ignorant. So much so that he spells stupor as stuper. This is his origin.
Jak-el and Burro, prominent Kraptonian mega-scientists, who were also married to each other, feared this day would come, but not this soon. They weren’t ready. They only had time to build one small prototype of a rocket to escape. If only the science council had listened to their pleas to stop drilling, instead of mocking the couple by drilling willy nilly to prove some kind of point, even the dentists. Now their planet is hopelessly vibrating itself out of existence. As they embraced, knowing their days were numbered, they turned to their baby son, Guz-el, who was sleeping soundly in what can be best described, a futuristic Ikea® crib.
America’s version of origami. Notice the overt laziness and lack of detail. It is said that American art has become more clumsy, and less inspirational, more obese, and less health conscious. This is what happens when you fix everything with duct tape.
“It’s hotter than a fifteen man circle jerk in a poorly ventilated makeshift coatroom.” Oscar fanned himself with a folded up newspaper. It was very efficient, because it was constructed properly.
The secret to a good paper fan is to put in as many tight folds as you possibly can, the closer the better. This takes time and patience. You’re looking for firmness, as opposed to flimsy. As is true with all things, integrity is your best friend. Oscar’s hand held fan had over seventy-five pleats, and when dry, it can support an empty pint glass, or something of equal weight, 5.3 oz., like a medium sized robin.
The sound of a switchblade and a motorbike.
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