This Story Will Change Your Mind

Posted on February 21, 2018 by sungmokoo

Don’t mind me, I’m just trying to adjust some of these lobes to fulfill my new role in life.

The following story is not intended to be humorous. Keep in mind, if you laugh, it’s on you, shame on you, because I have given you this warning. Trust me, this is the most difficult thing I have ever written. It has finally gotten through my thick head that these are serious times and I want to contribute change for the betterment of our divided nation. Originally, I thought my tilted point of view helps society, but it turns out my attempts at “humor”, especially all the failing, just further divides us. I will let the entertainers entertain, the pundits pund, the comedians comedy, while I delve into the horrifying underbelly of truth. And I know what you’re probably saying just after, “Shut the fuck up you arrogant jackass,” and that’s “Seriously, shut the fuck up.”

I pity myself for spewing stupid ha ha words in search of approval in the currency of stupid laughter. It is meaningless. This is not the time. It is time to be as serious as a Russian heart attack, which is to say Russians, not all of them, but a lot of them, tend to be more somber than Americans, case in point, Yakov Smirnoff. I rest my case. Yakov Smirnoff is a Soviet-born “comedian”, “actor”, and “writer”. After emigrating to the United States in 1977, like a flu virus, he spread his “comedy” and many of us got sick.

I do not want to be that guy who can’t answer his son when he asks, “Hey dad, you were an active citizen when all this b.s. went down, why didn’t you do anything?” Sadly, this would be my response. “I was blogging and writing quirky stories for an audience of fifty or so.” And how painful is it when your son looks through you like you’re nothing but the encrusted burnt cheese on aluminum foil after reheating a pizza? I don’t want to know this answer. That is why I have written this flash fiction manifesto. I would gladly give up one hundred likes if I can change one mind. With that, I present the story I believe may change your life. It changed mine.

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What I learned from social media the day after Presidents’ Day

Posted on February 20, 2018 by sungmokoo

Social media, like alcohol and raw sewage, will destroy your life if you let it.

It’s Presidents’ Day and not President’s Day. Teens still don’t want to get killed by guns! Especially of the automatic weapons kind. It’s not like there was a time when they did! There’s a Kentucky Fried Chicken® shortage in England™. A lot of parents do not like the eccentric Public Television Cartoon Caillou. I get it, there seems to be an absent back-story to Caillou’s mental illness or disability, which makes the show seem dangerously dishonest or overly coy. If he was a real boy, I am certain we’d be calling the authorities for his suspicious behavior. Speaking of, current president of the United States, Donald Trump, is smart enough to not force himself on a woman in front of security cameras. That’s like a bank robber saying, he does not rob banks in front of security cameras. In essence, there’s an admission to being a criminal. What a maroon. Bite-sized quiche is not difficult to make. In fact, I could make it. Patton Oswalt is on a book tour for a book he did not write. David Bowie was one skinny motherfucker in the day. Proof that our society is finally getting it: people who fart on planes are finally being treated like terrorists.

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Trump, Confucius & The Cowardly Lion

Posted on February 17, 2018 by sungmokoo

Putting the lying motherfucker back in The Cowardly Lion.

If this were a Carnac the Magnificent joke, (A fictional clairvoyant character from The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.) which it is definitely not, the punchline would be: Name three things that don’t know when to shut the fuck up. It’s not funny, but it’s true, which is a lot better than 80% of those Carnac jokes, because I used the word fuck.

It is the saddest time to be an American, so sad, and as depressing as that may be, there is yet an impossible chasm of despair to wade through to correct our eroding civilization. It is time to reinstate true courage into our nation, for when the definition of courage gets convoluted and reorganized by alternative facts™ and ludicrous jingoism, a nation further divides.

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Fake News Is Good News

Posted on February 16, 2018 by sungmokoo

An unlikely outcome, yet pleasing to those who have a soul. Image Source

As many of you are aware, my idea of relevance is releasing an explosive fart just before the grunt at the end of Santana’s “Oye Como Va”; and that song is 48 years old, and only God knows when the fart originated. Whatever. It’s always funny to me. When it comes to being topical, I am a mere rube. But, with all this current news™ swirling all around me, I reach out and try to connect, but come up empty handed. It could be because there are just too many news points. Gun control, or guntrol as the lazy pundits call it, the Russian probe, DACA, Florida, always Florida, the me too movement, Nazis, domestic abuse, tax reform, the clone of Reverend Al Sharpton, This Is Us®, The Winter Olympics, and that doesn’t even include natural disasters like North Korea.

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