Run Of The Mill, Until

Posted on February 13, 2018 by sungmokoo

The day began like so many days before. I take a six-minute hot shower, until it turns cold, and then another two minutes of unforgiving ice water in order to repeat (lather and rinse). I stop at the corner bagel shop. I get a garlic bagel and three packets of cream cheese, and one grape jelly. (All generic, thus not earning a trademark or copyright.)

A Classic WWII Clark Bagel from 1941. Frankly, I could use some jam.

This bagel shop has been here since 1940. It was originally called Clark Bagel™, named after a big-eared mustached actor of the time, Clark Gable who apparently and frankly didn’t give a damn. Over time, it went through many incarnations without once closing the door for business. It was Aesop’s Bagels™, The Tower Of Bagel™, Sittin’ On The Dock Of The Bagel™, Wake And Bagel™, Bagel Watch™; a few fast food corporations tried their hand with Bagel Bell® and East coast quick-to-fail franchise, Bay Gull’s Bagels (Failed to launch so they never got a proper trademark), even Sonny Bono gave it a shot with I Got You Bagel™. For the last twelve years, it’s been called Bageltarium™.

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In Defense of Jazz Hands and The Kung-Fu Grip™

Posted on February 12, 2018 by sungmokoo

According to Quincy Jones, this ugly American had sex with a mailbox.

In a world where voices are farts, I would like to preface the following with: Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one and they’re all wrong.

You may call me privileged, or worst, an American, but beneath this slimy veneer, I am a dreamer, one of those stupid optimists. With this, I believe that free network television can be better. We, most importantly, I deserve it. They need to conjure up some way to even the playing field so they can honestly compete against cable television and streaming services. At this rate, the networks are taxicabs, and HBO® is the Uber®, but more expensive. The answer to their survival is simple, use cuss words after 8 PM Central Time. Before you rebut with: what about the children? Shut the fuck up.

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“The Sound Of Superstition, Fuk Dat” by SAGAT Vs. STEVIE WONDER Vs. SIMON AND GARFUNKEL

Posted on February 11, 2018 by sungmokoo

Sagat-Wonder-Simon&Garfunkel

Here’s a mnemonic device to help you remember this song. It’s very convoluted, yet effective, so take notes. Begin with ROY G. BIV, which is the acronym for the colors of the rainbow. Which leads to the song, “Rainbow Connection” sung by Kermit The Frog, which begins with the lyrics, “Why are there so many songs about rainbows?” The answer of course is how the hell would I know. Which leads to who is Sagat? Same answer. And there you have it, “The Sound Of Superstition, Fuk Dat” by Sagat Vs. Stevie Wonder Vs. Simon & Garfunkel. Here to help your memory for less than a year.

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Elvis Presley’s 35th Christmas

Posted on February 10, 2018 by sungmokoo

Nixon_Elvis_December_21_1970_Meeting_Cropped

On December 21, 1970, the meeting of paranoid minds talk about Watergate. To clarify, Elvis was greatly impressed by the presidential toilet.

If Elvis Aron Presley was anything, he was “regular” and this Christmas was no different. In fact, he was so regular this morning; he had already flushed twice. The bathroom fan was industrial as all get out, and it was doing its job loudly and proficiently. Instead of the stench of poop and urine, it was replaced by myrrh and frankincense. Elvis moaned as a turd snaked out of his orifice obscured by pearly white porcelain. There was a plop, water splashed on his unbeknownst to him, growing white ass cheeks. No one in his posse dared to tell ‘E’ that he was gaining weight. For good measure, Elvis flushed again. He laughed out loud thinking about his honor bound duty.

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